20 | Another Year Older and Absolutely None The Wiser

Dun dun dunnn, this gal is about to turn twenty! How on earth did that happen?!

As my twentieth birthday rolls round (20 going on 80) – we’re still a couple of weeks away, however I intend on spending the last of my teenage days milking the birthday attention for all it’s worth. Birthdays are one of my fav days of the year (after Christmas, obviously), mainly because of the cake, and this year is no different.

So yes, I’m nearly 20, and that seems incredibly old. But then again I experience pensioner like symptoms every day, spending half my time knitting and the desire to be in bed by 10 is much more appealing than getting battered in town – also, not to mention me knees frequently giving way on me. I’ve always been a bit of an old soul and known exactly where I want to go in life, but now I’ve reached 20 I’m kind of clueless and I don’t feel like an adult one bit! Probably never will either, I may have my head screwed on, but my immature sense of humour I don’t think I’ll every grow out of.

My teenage years are fully behind me, and thank fuck for that. I can’t say I’m going to miss them. The last few were okay, but I’m hoping the embarrassing outfit choices, more so, embarrassing moments throughout school (chipping my tooth at a house party, giving myself a black eye – also house party related and alcohol inflicted, falling over in front of the whole year in assembly, just to name a couple) and my questionable choice in guys up until recently, are all going to blur. Maybe one day I’ll stop cringing at my teenage experiences. You also may be asking if that by 20 I’ve learnt my lesson and limits from my house party days, I can confirm I definitely haven’t and still like to think I can drink my boy friends under the table – it’s no shock when my boyfriend is holding my hair back at 3am. 

Here’s some thoughts on turning twenty…

• This is my first decade of being an adult – but whats the betting that come thirty I still won’t feel like an adult and will still laugh when someone says the word willy. However 20 is a scary prospect, I guess up until now I’ve always known what I wanted to do and that I’ll be secure. I knew I’d be at university, still living at home etc, but the next 10 years I’m literally clueless as to what it’ll hold. I’ve got the security until I finish uni, but after that who knows what I’ll be up to! Where will I be living? Who with? Will I have moved to the city? Will I have a family of my own? For the first time ever theres a bit of uncertainty, but thats somewhat exciting too.

• I’m learning to give fewer and fewer fucks about what people think of me, long may this continue into my twenties.

• I feel like being twenty might actually suit me quite well. I wasn’t like most teenagers in the sense that I never had an ‘alternative’ phase, I was always the one to turn down smoking wakki bakki down at the local park, I was never moody, I had nothing to rebel against. I mean theres still time for all of this don’t get me wrong, but I can’t really see myself arriving home with the munchies any time soon. So maybe 20 might feel a bit more ‘me’.

• I want to do more of what makes me happy. Blah, blah blah. Think this is a typical one for reflection blog posts, but without being cliche it’s what I want to do. I’ve been doing it more recently, whether it’s been starting my blog up again, or finding the time to draw, taking me time is becoming a crucial part of my life, finally, and I intend to keep it that way. You can also expect me to be a lot more active and raw on my blog, straight talking and honest.

Theres some things that I’m still none the wiser on; I still can’t style my hair for the life of me, I cry when I’m over tired, and my ability to trip over thin air hasn’t dwindled. Chuck in some cobbled paving and I’ll be on the floor, and thats before you add gin to the equation.

Here’s to being an adult, hahaha.

Han x

 

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