Getting Over a Breakup & Learning to be Happy Again

I hate the phrase ‘men are trash’, because it seems to brand all men as trash – I’m reluctant to admit it but they aren’t all bad, even though at the moment I’m still in that post break up stage that brands them all terrible and leading me to want to stay single and free forever – I’m sure I’ll surpass that stage soon, or at least lets hope so…

I’m sure I can vouch for a large majority of young women out there like myself, when I say we’ve all had our hearts broken or at least been messed around by a fuckboy. If you’ve stumbled across this post I’m assuming that you’ve recently been through a break up; either that or you’d like to see how I got over mine. Which I have to add wasn’t even a proper break up as we were never ‘official’…confusing, I know – I’ll briefly explain the situation at hand shortly. I don’t really know what goes through guys heads but it seems the majority of them at the moment can’t seem to commit to anything, they would rather throwaway a good girl all for a quickie with Becky from Wick.

There are a million and one reasons why people go through breakups, all the way from cheating, to someone just waking up and deciding that its not what they want anymore – this is one that terrifies me; if you’ve been keeping up with Love Island this year, you’ll know this is why Kendalls previous relationship broke down. How you can be with someone for years, then wake up one morning and decide you don’t love them anymore, is a prospect I cannot get my head around. My situation being that my ex wasn’t over the girl he was with previously, he strung me along for a good 9 months, saw her behind my back, basically made me out to be a bit of a fool, told me everything I wanted to hear, manipulated me the entire way through and then effectively just ghosted me, no closure whatsoever – I’m reluctant to admit it, but he was my first love so that hurt like hell, but I’ve cried all my tears, got angry, gone a bit crazy on him, and have now started to move on, thank god. So here’s how I did it…

I got sad…very sad – I went through the stage that I’m sure all of us go through where we feel very sorry for ourselves and decide that we are never going to find anyone like them again (you’ll soon realise this is the whole point anyway…you don’t want the heartbreak again). I had convinced myself I wasn’t good enough for anyone, not pretty enough, not funny enough, ya know, the general I’m never going to be enough for anyone stage. I think one of the hardest things for me was not having any answers, I still to this day have no idea why he left me for his ex. I spent a lot of time questioning what was wrong with me, and what was so great about her, before I soon realised that it was his problem that he was too hung up on his past that he couldn’t live in the present.

I then got angry…which needed to happen – I’m one of those people that once I’m over being sad about something I’ll get really bloomin’ angry. After not really bothering with me for a few weeks he started to pipe up again, telling me he missed me, still loved me the usual bullshit, and shock, I fell for it. I met up with him again – which may I just add was the worst decision I have ever made in all of my 19 years of existence. He told me everything I wanted to hear, treated me like he did when we first got together, then 2 days later spent the weekend with another girl. This is when I got angry, it wasn’t the fact that he was with his ex, I’m used to this by now, it was the fact that while they were together he was still telling me he missed me…erm excuse me??? BOY BYE. Any guy who thinks this is remotely okay is worth steering clear of. This wound me up like nobody’s business and he got the whole raft of an angry Han, which isn’t pleasant.

Speak to people about it – My best friend Soph has been an absolute star throughout this whole situation, she’s been a shoulder to cry on, and she’s also made me realise my self worth, that I can do approximately 1000000x better than someone who only talks to me when its convenient for them. My parents were also brilliant when it came to helping me move on – annoyingly my Mum said from the offset that she didn’t like him, and if only I had listened to her at the start, I would have never been in this situation. Top tip, your Mums first opinion of people is always right.

Get a grip – Or as my Dad would tell me ‘pull yourself together’. Yes he was my first love, yes he hurt me like no one has ever hurt me before, but there will be other guys. Another thing my Dad has always told me which I’m beginning to see is true, is that you’re going to have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. Basically you’re going to have to go through some heartbreak before you find the one – that’s just life.

Learn to not let it turn you cold – Once one boy fucks me over that’s it, I turn cold and assume all guys are out to do the same thing. A mindset that I really should get out of because truth be told, deep down I know not all guys are like that, and there are people out there who would treat me right – I just have a track record for picking out the dickheads.

Lastly…put yourself back out there – Once you’ve gotten over the one who treated you badly, start to put yourself back out there. You’ll quickly realise the reason why your previous relationship didn’t work out, and that it was probably for the best anyway…something better will always come along, even though anyone who told me this a couple of months ago, I probably would have politely told them to do one and that I was going to be single forever…and people say I’m dramatic???

Anyway I’ve rambled on enough about my break up (that wasn’t even a proper break up), I’ve dwelled on it for long enough and now it’s time for me to move on and let him just be a piece of my past. I’ve got too much of a busy life to spend time mourning over my first love, it was good for a while, but it’s time to move onto bigger and better things.

All my love,

Han xx

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