Things Are Starting to Look Up…Finally

Things Are Starting to Look Up…Finally

I hate to exaggerate but the past 9 months have been the worst 9 months I’ve ever been through, and I’m bloody proud I pulled myself through them and made it out the other end! I started university, struggled with university, got into a toxic relationship, suffered with my mental health more than ever, this in turn effecting my physical health and well over all its been a car crash of a 9 months. But after plenty of tears, tantrums and me deciding I want to give everything up, and move myself to some remote country and be at one with the world having no stress or problems, I’ve finally (somewhat) got my shit together…for the time being anyway.

Here’s how things are starting to look up for me…

I’ve got myself a new job – I came back from university around April time and decided I wasn’t happy where I was originally working, so decided to do something about it. I got myself another waitressing job to keep me tired over while I’m not studying, at a local pub – I’ve never been happier at a job. I work with a lovely bunch of people, I’ve settled in scarily well, already feeling part of the team even after only being there for a couple of months.

Got out of a toxic relationship – When I started university I fell head over heels for a guy who I definitely shouldn’t have. I think this was one of the reasons I struggled so much when it came to settling in at university. The guy who I was with made me doubt a lot about myself, I lost a lot of confidence, and began to think I wasn’t good enough for anyone. It wasn’t until I arrived home from university that something just clicked in my head and I realised I could do so much better. I recently wrote a post all about the break up I went through which you can fine here, if you’re interested. Also, may I just add that since dropping the fuckboy, I’ve now found a guy who treats me well, texts me back and actually wants to take me out, so they do exist, and there is hope for us all, girls!

I have an exciting summer planned – This is the first year in a while that I’ve said a big fuck you to my anxiety and I’ve made some fairly exciting plans for the summer including festivals, days out, and holidays – all of which I am sure will make an appearance on the blog. That’s another thing, I finally got my booty back into gear and have got my blog back up and running, with a bit of a theme revamp, what do we think?! I neglected it for a while because the guy I was seeing would take the piss out of it…knob I know, the fact that he made me feel stupid for doing something I enjoy will forever anger me, but I’m onto bigger and better things now, boy bye.

I’m going back to university!!! – This is the one that I am most excited about, that I am going back to studying what I love. I went through a stage when my MH was particularly bad that I didn’t want to continue my degree, but since then I’ve realised that I’m bloody good at what I do and that if I love it that much its worth pursuing further. This time I vow to myself not to get involved with anyone toxic and to throw myself into everything. If I don’t do this, someone please shake me and force me to put myself out there more, kind regaurds.

Lastly, I’ve got my mojo back – I went through a period of being very unmotivated with everything, like I’m not exaggerating when I say that I literally wanted to do nothing. I lost my love for all my hobbies, drawing, running, socialising, knitting (I’m secretly an 80 year old) – the whole lot. I’ve recently got my motivation back for everything, I’m back to designing, loving my training, and I’m back doing my blog and social medias which I couldn’t be happier about. I’ve also got my personality back, which sounds stupid, but when all of this was going on I lost my sparkle, and sarcasm which is what I’m known for, but rest assured, sarcastic and sassy Han is back in full force.

I sincerely hope that I haven’t just jinxed everything and that I’ll wake up tomorrow with my life falling apart, I will not be a happy bunny. But for now, for the first time in a long time I’m very content and happy with my life and it’s a pretty fab feeling – I mean I’ll keep you updated if things change, but I bloody hope they don’t; if they could keep getting better that would be greatly appreciated.

All my love,

Han xx

Lets Get Personal

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So I’ve been blogging for nearly a year now, which is just crazy when I think how bloomin’ fast that year has gone and the amount my little corner on the Internet has grown within that time. But recently I realised as I was riffling through my archive, that I had never actually done a get to know me type post back when I started my blog. So here it is, possibly about 11 months over due, but better late than never, right?

Zodiac sign – I’m a Virgo, a true August baby, who’s always been the youngest of the bunch – which has come with many perks. I’m not really one to believe in star signs and horoscopes, but I would say I hold pretty much every characteristic a Virgo would typically acquire.  I’m loyal, analytical and methodical, the latter 2 being things that were always bought up throughout my education, and I still carry as traits to this day. Going by the generic Virgo explanation, I’m also meant to be over critical of myself, tick – I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to criticizing myself.  And shy – kind of tick. When you first meet me, chances are I will be very shy, but give me a couple of hours (or a cocktail) and you’ll be asking me to shut up, I put money on it.

Ever Been Through a Bad Breakup? – Like most girls my age I’ve been through my fair share of fuck boys, and heartbreak, I recently wrote a post all about my first love which you can check out here, if you’re interested to see how I got over it and back out there.

Turn ons? – To give you an idea of my type, I would say Zac Effron, yes, yes I am your typical 18 year old girl still swooning over him. But then at the same time if you put Cillian Murphy or Aaron Paul in front of me I would be just as happy. If a guy can make me laugh and understand my sarcasm, that is a massive turn on for me. I like someone who can give as good as they get – I’ve grown up with boys so my sense of humor can be quite savage, if I can find someone that I click with on that level, I’m happy.

Turn offs? – Someone who is very cock sure. Cockiness is my biggest pet peeve, I’m all for loving yourself and hyping yourself up, but there is nothing worse than a cocky guy, who thinks they are a gift from god, and could get any girl they want, I don’t think so pal. A perfect example of someone like this is Adam from Love Island, he makes me feel quite ill, both his personality and the way he treats girls makes me question the sort of upbringing he’s had.

Last thing that made you cry? – I couldn’t tell you. I’m a very over emotional person, I cry when I’m happy, when I’m sad, I’m also known for getting teary when I’m tired and hung-over. Lets face it the last time I cried was probably the day after having one to many porn star martinis and not enough sleep.

What would you change about yourself? – Good god, if I had the money I would probably change every inch of my body, but that’s not exactly rational. One thing I’m mega self conscious about is I have a very round face and proper chubby cheeks (cute when you’re a small child, not so much when you’re 18), it sounds so stupid, but its something that has bothered me for years and if I could change it I would. If I had the money I would probably get my boobs done too because its not new news that I literally have the chest of a 12 year old boy, here’s to my AA crew, you’re not alone x

What do you regret? – I’m a big believer of everything happens for a reason, so with that I’m also a believer that you shouldn’t regret anything. So I do exactly that, I don’t regret any decisions I have made, people I have been involved with or opportunities I have turned down. The only thing I probably regret is probably not having dessert when I last went out for dinner.

There we are, 11 months down the line you know a bit more about me, I hope it wasn’t as boring as the typical ‘what pets do you have’ type of get to know me and that it was a bit more fun (although I do have a chocolate Labrador called Megan, incase you were wondering).

PS feel free to take these questions and answer them in a blog post yourself, I’d love to get to know some of you better!

PPS – I am lowkey interested in what pets you all have so let me know if you have any cute doggos too.

All my love,

Han xx

Getting Over a Breakup & Learning to be Happy Again

Getting Over a Breakup & Learning to be Happy Again

I hate the phrase ‘men are trash’, because it seems to brand all men as trash – I’m reluctant to admit it but they aren’t all bad, even though at the moment I’m still in that post break up stage that brands them all terrible and leading me to want to stay single and free forever – I’m sure I’ll surpass that stage soon, or at least lets hope so…

I’m sure I can vouch for a large majority of young women out there like myself, when I say we’ve all had our hearts broken or at least been messed around by a fuckboy. If you’ve stumbled across this post I’m assuming that you’ve recently been through a break up; either that or you’d like to see how I got over mine. Which I have to add wasn’t even a proper break up as we were never ‘official’…confusing, I know – I’ll briefly explain the situation at hand shortly. I don’t really know what goes through guys heads but it seems the majority of them at the moment can’t seem to commit to anything, they would rather throwaway a good girl all for a quickie with Becky from Wick.

There are a million and one reasons why people go through breakups, all the way from cheating, to someone just waking up and deciding that its not what they want anymore – this is one that terrifies me; if you’ve been keeping up with Love Island this year, you’ll know this is why Kendalls previous relationship broke down. How you can be with someone for years, then wake up one morning and decide you don’t love them anymore, is a prospect I cannot get my head around. My situation being that my ex wasn’t over the girl he was with previously, he strung me along for a good 9 months, saw her behind my back, basically made me out to be a bit of a fool, told me everything I wanted to hear, manipulated me the entire way through and then effectively just ghosted me, no closure whatsoever – I’m reluctant to admit it, but he was my first love so that hurt like hell, but I’ve cried all my tears, got angry, gone a bit crazy on him, and have now started to move on, thank god. So here’s how I did it…

I got sad…very sad – I went through the stage that I’m sure all of us go through where we feel very sorry for ourselves and decide that we are never going to find anyone like them again (you’ll soon realise this is the whole point anyway…you don’t want the heartbreak again). I had convinced myself I wasn’t good enough for anyone, not pretty enough, not funny enough, ya know, the general I’m never going to be enough for anyone stage. I think one of the hardest things for me was not having any answers, I still to this day have no idea why he left me for his ex. I spent a lot of time questioning what was wrong with me, and what was so great about her, before I soon realised that it was his problem that he was too hung up on his past that he couldn’t live in the present.

I then got angry…which needed to happen – I’m one of those people that once I’m over being sad about something I’ll get really bloomin’ angry. After not really bothering with me for a few weeks he started to pipe up again, telling me he missed me, still loved me the usual bullshit, and shock, I fell for it. I met up with him again – which may I just add was the worst decision I have ever made in all of my 19 years of existence. He told me everything I wanted to hear, treated me like he did when we first got together, then 2 days later spent the weekend with another girl. This is when I got angry, it wasn’t the fact that he was with his ex, I’m used to this by now, it was the fact that while they were together he was still telling me he missed me…erm excuse me??? BOY BYE. Any guy who thinks this is remotely okay is worth steering clear of. This wound me up like nobody’s business and he got the whole raft of an angry Han, which isn’t pleasant.

Speak to people about it – My best friend Soph has been an absolute star throughout this whole situation, she’s been a shoulder to cry on, and she’s also made me realise my self worth, that I can do approximately 1000000x better than someone who only talks to me when its convenient for them. My parents were also brilliant when it came to helping me move on – annoyingly my Mum said from the offset that she didn’t like him, and if only I had listened to her at the start, I would have never been in this situation. Top tip, your Mums first opinion of people is always right.

Get a grip – Or as my Dad would tell me ‘pull yourself together’. Yes he was my first love, yes he hurt me like no one has ever hurt me before, but there will be other guys. Another thing my Dad has always told me which I’m beginning to see is true, is that you’re going to have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. Basically you’re going to have to go through some heartbreak before you find the one – that’s just life.

Learn to not let it turn you cold – Once one boy fucks me over that’s it, I turn cold and assume all guys are out to do the same thing. A mindset that I really should get out of because truth be told, deep down I know not all guys are like that, and there are people out there who would treat me right – I just have a track record for picking out the dickheads.

Lastly…put yourself back out there – Once you’ve gotten over the one who treated you badly, start to put yourself back out there. You’ll quickly realise the reason why your previous relationship didn’t work out, and that it was probably for the best anyway…something better will always come along, even though anyone who told me this a couple of months ago, I probably would have politely told them to do one and that I was going to be single forever…and people say I’m dramatic???

Anyway I’ve rambled on enough about my break up (that wasn’t even a proper break up), I’ve dwelled on it for long enough and now it’s time for me to move on and let him just be a piece of my past. I’ve got too much of a busy life to spend time mourning over my first love, it was good for a while, but it’s time to move onto bigger and better things.

All my love,

Han xx