Lets Get Personal

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So I’ve been blogging for nearly a year now, which is just crazy when I think how bloomin’ fast that year has gone and the amount my little corner on the Internet has grown within that time. But recently I realised as I was riffling through my archive, that I had never actually done a get to know me type post back when I started my blog. So here it is, possibly about 11 months over due, but better late than never, right?

Zodiac sign – I’m a Virgo, a true August baby, who’s always been the youngest of the bunch – which has come with many perks. I’m not really one to believe in star signs and horoscopes, but I would say I hold pretty much every characteristic a Virgo would typically acquire.  I’m loyal, analytical and methodical, the latter 2 being things that were always bought up throughout my education, and I still carry as traits to this day. Going by the generic Virgo explanation, I’m also meant to be over critical of myself, tick – I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to criticizing myself.  And shy – kind of tick. When you first meet me, chances are I will be very shy, but give me a couple of hours (or a cocktail) and you’ll be asking me to shut up, I put money on it.

Ever Been Through a Bad Breakup? – Like most girls my age I’ve been through my fair share of fuck boys, and heartbreak, I recently wrote a post all about my first love which you can check out here, if you’re interested to see how I got over it and back out there.

Turn ons? – To give you an idea of my type, I would say Zac Effron, yes, yes I am your typical 18 year old girl still swooning over him. But then at the same time if you put Cillian Murphy or Aaron Paul in front of me I would be just as happy. If a guy can make me laugh and understand my sarcasm, that is a massive turn on for me. I like someone who can give as good as they get – I’ve grown up with boys so my sense of humor can be quite savage, if I can find someone that I click with on that level, I’m happy.

Turn offs? – Someone who is very cock sure. Cockiness is my biggest pet peeve, I’m all for loving yourself and hyping yourself up, but there is nothing worse than a cocky guy, who thinks they are a gift from god, and could get any girl they want, I don’t think so pal. A perfect example of someone like this is Adam from Love Island, he makes me feel quite ill, both his personality and the way he treats girls makes me question the sort of upbringing he’s had.

Last thing that made you cry? – I couldn’t tell you. I’m a very over emotional person, I cry when I’m happy, when I’m sad, I’m also known for getting teary when I’m tired and hung-over. Lets face it the last time I cried was probably the day after having one to many porn star martinis and not enough sleep.

What would you change about yourself? – Good god, if I had the money I would probably change every inch of my body, but that’s not exactly rational. One thing I’m mega self conscious about is I have a very round face and proper chubby cheeks (cute when you’re a small child, not so much when you’re 18), it sounds so stupid, but its something that has bothered me for years and if I could change it I would. If I had the money I would probably get my boobs done too because its not new news that I literally have the chest of a 12 year old boy, here’s to my AA crew, you’re not alone x

What do you regret? – I’m a big believer of everything happens for a reason, so with that I’m also a believer that you shouldn’t regret anything. So I do exactly that, I don’t regret any decisions I have made, people I have been involved with or opportunities I have turned down. The only thing I probably regret is probably not having dessert when I last went out for dinner.

There we are, 11 months down the line you know a bit more about me, I hope it wasn’t as boring as the typical ‘what pets do you have’ type of get to know me and that it was a bit more fun (although I do have a chocolate Labrador called Megan, incase you were wondering).

PS feel free to take these questions and answer them in a blog post yourself, I’d love to get to know some of you better!

PPS – I am lowkey interested in what pets you all have so let me know if you have any cute doggos too.

All my love,

Han xx

A Little Life Update..

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So those of you who have been around for a while now will know that over the past few years my mental health has been all over the place. At the end of last year/start of this year, I suffered with it more than ever and lost interest in all the things I loved doing, which included blogging, YouTube, something I thought I would always enjoy. Not only this but I lost all my love for anything creative, running and even going out – I literally just wanted to stay in my flat all day.

Anyway, enough of the negative stuff, I just wanted to create a little post to say I am still here and recently I’ve started to feel so much better, and more myself than I have done in a long time – I’ve rekindled my love for all my creative talents and training, I’ve also found the motivation to get back into blogging and fingers crossed YouTube, providing I don’t chicken out of it again.

As I have mentioned in my previous posts, I dropped out of university, it got to the point where I couldn’t attend my lectures due to anxiety, wouldn’t even visit my friends. So I sort of came to the conclusion that getting a degree, wasn’t really worth sacrificing my mental health for. University will always be there for me to continue with later in life, if I have the urge to do so.

I’m going to take a slightly different approach to blogging for the time being, I want it as a record for me to look back on later in life, see what I was up to that kind of thing. There will still be the generalised fashion/beauty posts here and there, but for now it’s going to be much more lifestyle based, just while I ease myself back into it.

Another thing you might be wondering is, so if I dropped out, what am I doing now? I’m actually working full time, for the time being, with the aim of by this time next year I’ll have enough saved up to decide what I want to do with it. Whether that be traveling, or pursuing another qualification.

I hope you’re all well and I look forward to having a good catch up with all the posts I’ve missed out on in my absence!

Han xx

Spring Wardrobe Essentials

So after what feels like months and months of dreary, rainy, ridiculously cold days, spring is (somewhat) here. Like most British people I cannot wait for the warmer days, ones where I don’t have to leave the house in so many layers I can’t properly move. Every year when spring rolls around the shops always seem to up their game, stocking a ton of lovely bits and pieces that are calling my name, but struggling to live as a student, I can’t have everything my heart desires, so here are just a few bits and bobs that I’ll be adding to my spring wish list.

Pinafores

Recently I have been absolutely loving pinafore dresses, they are so perfect for the slightly warmer weather, chuck a long sleeve top on underneath and you’re good to go. Being super easy to style too, they lend themselves well to be worn both formally and casually which I love. I recently picked up this one from H&M and it’s up there with one of my favorite buys this year. Topshop have also got some lovely ones in stock at the moment, if you can afford to spend a bit more on one.

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Blouses

I’ve never really been one for blouses, mainly because I think that sometimes they do absolutely nothing for my figure, but this year I’ve found that a lot of places have stocked blouses that are incredibly flattering. Both New Look and Boohoo have got some gorgeous ones, that are slightly cropped with a v-neck, which I love as it’s a lot more flattering on my figure. There are also some beautiful prints around at the moment!

Matching Denim Skirts & Jackets

I’ve seen a lot of big influencers rocking these lately and they’re something that I need to get my hands on and attempt to rock too. They look like such a put together outfit, but at the same time so effortless – anything that has both these qualities is always perfect for someone like me that just wants to chuck something on, but at the same time look like I’ve made the effort.

Basic Tees

As much as I love getting dressed up and looking like I have my life together, I’ve seen a lot of basic cropped tees around at the moment, which when paired with some jeans, trainers and a denim jacket create such a cool, casual look – great for just day to day wear. I’ve been loving the ones on Pretty Little Thing recently, they’re super affordable and look fab.

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Converse

Of course this list wouldn’t be complete without some sort of shoe being featured on here. Converse have been an all time favorite of mine for a long time now, they are super comfy and go with absolutely everything, what’s not to like. I’ve had my eyes on these ones for a while now and I think I will have to add them to my ever growing shoe collection fairly soon!

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I’m sure that over the next couple of months I will be stocking up my wardrobe with as many spring garments as my bank account will let!

All my love,

Han xx

10 Things That Make Me Happy

With International Happiness Day having just passed, it got me thinking of all the little things in life that make me smile. Having such a hectic life, and being prone to getting very stressed, I often forget about the little things that make it a bit brighter (as cringe as that sounds). Without further ado, lets get going – I’m also going to have to make a mental note of this blog post for future reference the next time I start to get myself down…

We’ll get the most typical/predictable one out of the way first – my friends and family (including my doggo, of course). It goes without saying, that I am very appreciative of my friends and family. Having a group of people who I can reply on to always make me belly laugh, but also be there for a shoulder to cry on, is a blessing I’ll never take for granted.

Good cocktails. I’m an absolute sucker for a good cocktail. Pass me over a pornstar martini and I’ll be a very happy gal, that’s for sure.

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Gigs – primarily of smaller indie bands that aren’t so well known. Ever since my Dad took me to my first gig back in 2016, I’ve become utterly obsessed with seeing as many bands as possible. There’s just something about standing in a tiny little basement or field with like minded people, enjoying good music that I just LOVE, and will never tire of.

Good food (mainly pizza). I’d like to thank whichever Italian it was that invented pizza, because without your invention I would be leading a very sad life – also probably one where I was a couple of pounds lighter…

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Hot showers. I know this may sound really stupid, but hot showers make me happy. It’s one of the only times I’m on my own in a quiet room and can actually think, I recon about 98% of my important life decisions are made in the shower.

Running is something that will forever make me happy. I took it up over 2 years ago now, and boy am I grateful I did. It’s my little escape, and it’s what keeps me sane. It’s also great for letting my competitive side shine, fun fact, I’m actually far too competitive for my own good, at least when I run being competitive is acceptable.

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Reading is another one. I never ever used to be one for reading, but the past few years I’ve found something quite freeing about reading. Sort of living a life that isn’t mine for a while in a way I guess.

Of course blogging and my YouTube had to be on here for things that make me happy. A creative outlet that will always put a smile on my face. (Shock horror, did I just mention YouTube?? Yeah, I did, and I might get back into that one…we’ll see, I’m not making any promises)

Art/Drawing is another thing that will always make me happy. I could sit and draw for hours; I’ll also always be appreciative of good artwork. Put me in a good art museum and I’m happy as Larry.

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Blossom. Again this could potentially be an odd one, but when the trees start to blossom this makes me incredibly happy (although it sends my hay fever raging), it signifies spring/summer and warmer weather, something that I cannot wait for!

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It’s easy to forget about the little things in life that put a smile on your face, but it’s important to recognise them!

What makes you happy?

Han xx

I’m Back…

I’ve been putting of writing this post for about three weeks now, but I thought it was about time I updated you all on my absence, and also what on earth I’m doing with my life – because all of a sudden it’s taken a complete 360 turn, which is incredibly exciting, yet equally terrifying.

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So I’ll start with the big bombshell, I’m dropping out of university. Yep, thats right, the girl who had her heart set on getting a degree since the age of about 5, is dropping out. I don’t think anyone – including myself saw that one coming. September last year, I started what I thought was what I wanted to get a degree in, Textile Design, but 6 months down the line, I’ve realised that maybe it isn’t for me.

Coming to terms with this, for me has been incredibly difficult, due to the fact I’ve always been the girl with a plan, yet all of a sudden I didn’t have a plan…this freaked the crap out of me.

I’m not sure what it is that I didn’t enjoy about my course, there was just something, and it didn’t feel right – I loved the work I was creating and I know it’s something I’m pretty good at, but I just wasn’t enjoying it; and thats okay. So while I’m still very young, with all my life ahead of me, I’ve decided to do something about it.

My interest within social media and the digital industry has grown massively since I started my little corner of the internet nearly a year ago, as it’s something I am passionate about and get  a lot of enjoyment out of – this is the pathway I am going to go down. Coming to terms with the fact that I want to go into full time work and not university has been a massive struggle for me – primarily because I was so worried about what people were going to think of me, particularly my parents. Turns out they aren’t disappointed about me dropping out, they just want me to be happy, and to do something I enjoy. That just leaves everyone else, which in reality, what they think really doesn’t matter to me – I’m currently learning to be a bit selfish and not let other peoples opinions affect my happiness…

So now I’ve rambled on about my all over the place life, I thought I’d quickly brush over the other aspect as to why I’m moving back home. As I’ve mentioned before on the blog, I was studying at De Montfort University, based in Leicester…I’m from Brighton, thats a very long distance for a newly turned 18 year old to move to. At the time I was 99.99% certain that I could cope with the move, turns out I wasn’t. After the initial excitement of living on my own had warn off, I began to suffer with my mental health – it was a downwards spiral from there really. Back home I had the comfort of talking to someone who understood me when I was going through a rough patch, but in Leicester I didn’t have that and dealing with it on my own just wasn’t happening, no matter how hard I tried.

Moving back home is definitely the right thing for me to do; I can’t tell you how excited I am for what the next few months hold, and if I ever had a change of heart and wanted to continue my degree in a few years time I can, just right now, it isn’t for me, which is completely and utterly fine.

Han xx

Raspberry & White Chocolate Muffins

My first blog post in nearly 2 months and it’s a food one, shock horror. I probably should have done a post prior to the explaining my absence, but that will come in due course I’m sure – long story short, I’M BACK.

Fun fact, I used to be a very keen baker, but ever since I started university, I’ve not had the time to cook anything apart from pasta for tea/dinner (thats another debate all together). However, as I’m back from uni for Easter break (potentially for good – I’m not sure) I thought I’d get myself back in the kitchen and baking, with some raspberry and white chocolate cupcakes. My favourite food combination ever, and technically you can eat as many as you want because they have fruit on…that’s how it works right?

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Ingredients:

For the cupcakes:

  • 110g Unsalted Butter (room temperature)
  • 175g Caster Sugar
  • 125g Self Raising Flour
  • 120g Plain Flour
  • 2 Eggs (room temperature) 
  • 125ml Milk (room temperature) 
  • 1tbsp Vanilla Essence
  • 3tbsp Raspberry Jam

For the topping:

  • Vanilla Buttercream
  • 150g White Chocolate
  • Raspberry Jam
  • Fresh Raspberries

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Method:

  1. Start by pre-heating the oven to 160degrees and line a 12 hole cupcake tin with the prettiest cupcake cases you can find
  2. Begin by creaming together the butter and sugar in a bowl, this will probably take a few minutes – don’t stop until it looks light and fluffy
  3. Incorporate the eggs one by one, mixing well after each addition
  4. In a separate bowl mix together your plain and self raining flour, also add the vanilla essence to the milk. Then add 1/3 of the flours into the mix, along with 1/3 of the milk and vanilla mix. Repeat these steps, mixing after each addition making sure everything is fully mixed in. The more you mix the ingredients the fluffier the cupcakes will be as you are incorporating more air.
  5. The final step is to then add in the raspberry jam, stir it in so it creates a marble sort of affect. The idea is that it should run through the cake when cooked and if it works in your favour you should see this when they are cut into.
  6. Spoon into your cupcake cases and pop into the oven to cook for 25 minutes, I find that it my oven 25 minutes exactly works perfect for me, but it will be a bit of trial and error to see what works for you.
  7. Once cooked take out the oven and leave to completely cool. Once they have cooled, you then want to cut a small hole out of the middle, which you then want to spoon your raspberry jam into, careful not too overfill.
  8. For the white chocolate icing, start by melting the white chocolate in either the microwave or on the hob, I don’t trust myself to not burn it in the microwave, so I always opt for the hob. This then needs to be cooled completely before being stirred into the buttercream. If it’s stirred in while warm, chances are it’ll curdle.
  9. Pop your vanilla buttercream into a separate bowl then add in the white chocolate and stir well. Once all combined, spoon the icing mixture into a piping bag and pipe onto your cupcakes.
  10. Finally, I then decorated the top with just raspberries, but you can do whatever takes your fancy with decorating, I would have added white chocolate to the top as well, but I had ran out!

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I’d like to point out my Dad said these were some of the best cupcakes he’s ever eaten, up there with Mums’ salted caramel cupcakes – and they’re supposedly legendary, so I think I did pretty good!

What’s your favourite cake combination?

It’s good to be back and look out for a little life update post in the near future, because I think thats in order!

Han xx

What Actually Is Anxiety?

A pain in the arse, thats what it is.

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I recently had a panic attack in front of someone who I hadn’t long met; I then had to attempt to explain to them what anxiety is and why I had just burst into an uncontrollable panic in front of them, not the easiest of tasks at the best of times, let alone in the circumstances that I was in. But in doing this I realised that despite mental health being much more widely spoken about, it’s still not a topic that everyone knows much about. It also made me realise how bloody hard it is to explain your mental state to someone without sounding crazy.

The actual definition of an anxiety disorder is “The feeling of unease such as worry or fear, that can be mild or sever”. The NHS compare it to that feeling of unease before an exam or interview, but for people with the disorder, its a constant feeling, that often affects their daily lives. Anxiety is a long term condition and it can often make you forget the last time you felt relaxed or at ease; because as soon as one anxious thought is resolved, another crops up, its a constant cycle – like a said previous a pain in the arse. 

My Dad has been my biggest help when it came to my anxiety and he has always described it to me as that little brother that you can’t get rid of. We compared it to the brother that is constantly doing something to irritate you and what do you do when that happens, well tell them to do one. Unfortunately, you can’t tell anxiety to just, do one, not in the simplest form anyway. The way I look at it, is I can either let it consume me and make my life completely miserable, which I’ve tried and tested and it was god awful. Or I can do something about it, I can tell it to do its worst, make me feel as bas as it possibly can, then prove it completely wrong. Ya know, actually live my life and not let it consume me. I admit, it isn’t always easy and some days I will literally just give up trying with it and sit about feeling sorry for myself, but let me tell you I’ll always feel better if I put up a bit of a fight and prove it wrong, I’m quite argumentative when I need to be, which comes in handy here.

Anxiety is often co-diagnosed with depression, which is how I was diagnosed, I won’t go too into detail about depression because I don’t really like looking too far into that. I’ve always been paranoid, although since being diagnosed with anxiety (which explains the paranoia)  I have learnt so much about myself and my capabilities. I guess in a weird way I have it to thank for making me realise how strong I am (cliche as it sounds), also how good I am at pulling myself out of depressive and anxious states. My anxiety is something that will always be there – there will be times when I barely notice it and I’m on top of the world, but then one trigger and it will be all I can think about. It’s constant ups and downs, realising that when I’m having a really rough couple of weeks, I will come up again, I think that is what has got me through the past couple of years, knowing it wouldn’t always be shit.

Like I said at the start, I have a very black and white way of looking at my mental health, which some people will disagree with, but I either let it consume me and make my life pretty crap or I don’t. I try to always choose the latter, I’ve found some amazing ways to combat my anxiety, which I have spoken about before. I primarily fight my anxiety with running and drawing, both these things let me escape for a while. I once saw a quote that said “running keeps me sane”, I think it was a joke type thing, but I honestly have running to thank for keeping me sane.

And on that note I think I’ll call it a day. Anxiety will always be a part of me, as much to my dismay, but its something that I am learning to control and combat day by day.

 

Han xx